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Hitting A Brick Wall


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#1 bigmuma

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 07:23 PM

DS1 is still college refusing, not sleeping, over eating and avoiding life in general. College have tried everything they can, allowing him to stay on the course 'distance learning'. However, this hasn't improved much excepting I'm not having a fight every morning. It now has become my job to try and get him to do any work and on top of a full time job and 3 other school age children to look after. He hasn't been to college since late November, and has refused to take his anti-depressants since Xmas. I've been to the doctor twice and they have tried to refer him for psych assessment, but NHS has turned us down. Apart from that they just seem to give him a lecture about pulling himself together. Nothing has worked. We have tried to back off entirely, but it hasn't helped. He won't talk about anything related to college or appropriate living standards, just changes the subject. He buries himself in his computer and hides away from the world. He won't even get dressed. I'm at my wits end. If I can't get him back to college then I will lose my child tax credits etc and as he clearly can't hold down a job, how do I support him? He has no social worker and is not under anyone's care other than mine. I just don't seem to be able to get him any help. If one more person gives me the phone number for a depression helpline I'm going to scream! He won't talk to anyone in real life about his problems, he is hardly likely to pick up the phone!!!
Apologies for my rant, just needed to offload!

#2 caci

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 07:31 PM

(((HUGS)))

 

I have no idea about how you can help him, but did you know that if he gets DLA, he can apply for ESA at 16 ?

 

I wouldn't recommend it all the time you can get Child benefit and child tax credits, as they are 'automatic' whereas ESA is a lot of form filling and assessments (a bit like DLA), but it might help with the financial situation if he can not remain at college.



#3 bigmuma

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 07:36 PM

He gets the enhanced rate of PIP, would that still count? That's a relief that he may get some income if I can't get him back to college. I'm just so frustrated that I can't get him some proper help.

#4 imperfect parent

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 07:55 PM

I have a teenager in special school struggling in a similar way.  The attitude is very much that the young person has to solve the problems with adjustments other than removing lessons.

 

I wish I knew the answer, but anxiety and depression are so debilitating.



#5 caci

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 08:25 PM

Try ringing Contact a family 0808 808 3555 http://www.cafamily.org.uk/

 

They will arrange a timed call back from a specialist benefits advisor. Unlike the on-line calculators, these people look at your specific details (assuming you are happy to give them all the relevant information)



#6 bigmuma

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 11:41 PM

Thanks for the advice. I will give them a ring.

#7 bigmuma

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Posted 16 February 2015 - 04:35 PM

Life not improving much. Tried the GP who said unless he wants to be helped there is nothing that can be done. No on will do a home visit and I can't get him out to an appointment. He offered telephone counselling, but he won't speak on the phone. The silly thing is that he does want to be helped, but he just can't take that step. It is so frustrating feeling so helpless. I hope he might grow out of it eventually, but I don't think College will keep him on much longer..........

#8 cathcart

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Posted 18 February 2015 - 12:08 PM

I am in a similar situation with regards to son isolated and not engaging. If your GP cannot help (referral to Mental Health declined) contact PALS. You can ring them and then put it in writing that there is not a service to help your son. It is only by people making commissioning aware that they will improve/develop a service (I know this from a psychiatrist who was declining referrals because they could not practically see them all). I would also contact the college and ask them if they have sort advice from an educational psychologist. If not contact your LA EP service and request an assessment.

 

There are also support services that can be offered through social services direct payments. Has your son had a core assessment from social services? If not request one. Until he is 18 he is still under children's services I think. A support service like dimensions can then mentor your son or they may have another service that can work WITH HIM.

 

I have also been told how to parent and do everything without my son actually been given any support. It also sounds like your son would be an ideal person to have an assessment for an Education, Health and Care Plan which goes up to 25 years of age. You will need to request this with the LA as it does not sound like your son has a statement.

 

Also apply for Personal Independent Payment. I am in the process of changing over from DLA to this. My son is intelligent but they sent some one out to see him and agreed I could be the responsible person as he would not engage.

 

Hope this helps and you find the time to do this as you must be tearing your hair out. I had to give up work. Local disabilities charity will help you fill in PIP form.






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