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Reins For Older Child


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#1 skykomish14

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Posted 10 June 2017 - 04:37 PM

Hi everyone,

 

Our daughter doesn’t have autism or any special needs, but we’re hoping for some advice which we think might be better here than on other forums.

 

We’re at the point where we’re very seriously considering getting her reins.  She’s 10 (11 in August) and we know it’s unusual to think about reins for a child her age when they don’t have special needs, but she just cannot stay with us or be trusted.  We’ve been over and over things with her and she’s always says she understands, but she really doesn’t listen.  We’ve tried giving her extra responsibilities when out (including taking away things from her older brother to ask her to do), we’ve tried taking away privileges, and trusted her as much as we can, but nothing changes.  There’s no cause for concern with anything else (she does great in school, and is happy socially) but whenever we’re out she just won’t listen, it’s really stressful, and our efforts don’t get us anywhere.

 

She’s always been this way to an extent, but until a while ago it was pretty manageable and we kept thinking she’d stop as she got older but she hasn’t.  From reading up on things, we know wandering/running is not uncommon for autistic children, and we’ve found some places which make reins for older children.  We know it sounds kind of over-the-top, but we do think they would be a massive help.  But, of course, we also know there probably aren’t any kids her age on reins (who don’t have special needs), and we don’t want to cause her any embarrassment if we can avoid it.  This said, safety is obviously most important and we think putting her back on reins might actually work.

 

If anyone has used reins for older children, any thoughts would be really helpful.  Again, we know it’s unusual, but we’d be really grateful for any advice.

 

Thanks very much.



#2 imperfect parent

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Posted 10 June 2017 - 07:08 PM

 

Our daughter doesn’t have autism or any special needs, but we’re hoping for some advice which we think might be better here than on other forums.

 

We’re at the point where we’re very seriously considering getting her reins.  She’s 10 (11 in August) and we know it’s unusual to think about reins for a child her age when they don’t have special needs, but she just cannot stay with us or be trusted.  We’ve been over and over things with her and she’s always says she understands, but she really doesn’t listen.  We’ve tried giving her extra responsibilities when out (including taking away things from her older brother to ask her to do), we’ve tried taking away privileges, and trusted her as much as we can, but nothing changes.  There’s no cause for concern with anything else (she does great in school, and is happy socially) but whenever we’re out she just won’t listen, it’s really stressful, and our efforts don’t get us anywhere.

 

 

 

I think you have made a good decision in asking this question.

 

My middle son had no stop at the age of 4, but by the age of 8 we were able to walk anywhere with him so I do have some understanding of the difficulties you are facing.  He was diagnosed with Aspergers at 13 after a lot difficulty in school from the day he started.

 

I'm a little bit concerned that you say that your daughter has no special needs, yet you recognise that she clearly has a need for supervision when out given that she just cannot stay with you or be trusted.  You are obviously concerned, and have done the right thing in looking for a solution to the problem you are facing, but I would hesitate to agree that she has no special needs.  Keep a record of your concerns and carry on looking for solutions.  Trying a reward system might work better than a removal of privileges.

 

We didn't have a need for reins at this age, but looking back through past posts I found this link which may be useful http://www.twinsuk.c...-Special-Needs/ 

 

Given that you can negotiate with your daughter I would offer her some choice (control) and discuss why you feel the need for reins, but initially offer her a strap that she can loop over her wrist and you can hold.  It might be all she needs to remind her to listen, but if it doesn't work the reins will be less of a jump, and something which she knows will be the consequence.

 

Good luck.



#3 Kadenza

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Posted 10 June 2017 - 07:23 PM

I think IP has answered really well.  Yes, there are reins available, but I would want to get to the bottom of the issues, really, as only then will you be able to form strategies that will help in the long term, if you need them.


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#4 skykomish14

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Posted 13 June 2017 - 11:19 PM

Thanks very much for the replies. We’re really grateful for the understanding and advice and we’re sorry we couldn’t reply sooner.

 

We bought a wrist strap at the weekend, and we’ve sat down with her and gone over things once again.  We discussed all the previous occasions and explained (again) when and why she has to stay with us.  We also showed her the wrist strap and her reward chart and very clearly explained it’s up to her which one she chooses.  She listened, clearly understood what we said, and said she was sorry, but it did feel like we’ve heard it all before.  That said, we do feel like we’re trying something new and we’ll keep a record of things, which feels like some progress again so thanks very much again for the advice.

 

And we one hundred percent understand about the need for this supervision being unusual at her age, and we’ve looked over and over at why, but we really don’t think there are any special needs.  We considered ADHD, ADD, etc. and looked into it all, but after going through everything, it really does seem to be an isolated discipline issue.

 

Thank you both very much again for being understanding and for the advice.

 

(Imperfect Parent – we forgot to say we tried to send you a private message to say thanks for replying to our other post, but we think your inbox is full!)


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#5 imperfect parent

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Posted 15 June 2017 - 06:41 AM

 

 

(Imperfect Parent – we forgot to say we tried to send you a private message to say thanks for replying to our other post, but we think your inbox is full!)

:blush: I need to do some clearing out. sorry I should have checked before I suggested a PM

 

Let us know how you get on.



#6 Kazzen161

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Posted 18 June 2017 - 11:04 PM

Does she behave the same way when she goes out with her class?  I am presuming whilst at Junior school they have walked to local museums/parks/etc?






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