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Holidays...


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#1 Tangled

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Posted 30 May 2016 - 09:13 AM

Hi

I just wondered how you manage successful holidays (if you do...). DS1 is refusing to go with us this year. He does have the option of staying at his Gran's which he's happy to do. I think it's because of his gaming obsession πŸ˜•πŸ˜•πŸ˜•.

We did leave him behind when we did a 3 day mini break but I feel quite sad about the main family holiday and don't know how much to push it that he comes. We would compromise on anything if it would mean he'd choose to come. He's 13 and I feel it's a bit sad for his 10 yr old brother too as they've always quite enjoyed sharing a room etc on holiday.

I just wondered if others have experienced similar?

Tangled x

#2 mad cat lady

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Posted 30 May 2016 - 09:52 AM

We have the same problem and so have not been on a family holiday for years, it's sad as J actually liked the idea of going on holiday and enjoyed the first three days but then could not cope any more, we tried a week in Greece three years ago and after the three days if we could have come back we would have done, it was awful.
For J it is the anxiety of being somewhere unfamiliar

#3 imperfect parent

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Posted 30 May 2016 - 05:07 PM

We go camping.  Short breaks; split up for many activities and lots of time to do their own thing with no pressure.  It's not easy.  No option not to come as no one to stay with.



#4 Mozzy

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Posted 30 May 2016 - 09:59 PM

Always take a box of trains LOL that's what works here!!



#5 Tangled

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Posted 31 May 2016 - 07:38 AM

Thanks for replies.

We have booked something we think he would like (and you can pay extra for premium internet connection!). Been telling his brother about it and 'selling it' within DS1's earshot.
He knows he has the choice Gran's or go with us so I'm just hoping he does choose the holiday (could see he was quite interested).

He copes quite well with change - think it's his PDA kicking in more as a teen - finding it hard to get him to do much at all πŸ˜•

#6 maximus prime

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Posted 31 May 2016 - 09:54 AM

We book a "home from home" so a house with enough rooms for Jack and Lucy to have their own space, good wifi, enclosed garden, away from neighbours,out of the tourist areas,with a sea view and then often with a pool table,table tennis table,trampoline,hot tub as an extra.

 

We spend a lot on accommodation so that if we have days where Jack or Lucy don't want to go out the rest of us don't feel penned in as well.

 

We then plan visits out with plenty of time back at the house to relax. We also do a lot of divide and conquer so I will take Lucy to places she enjoys like zoos,theatre.cinema and their Dad takes Jack to football matches,horse racing, the dogs.

 

It works for us now but we had many years where holidays were more a trial to get over rather than something to enjoy and for many years the older ones had their own "get away from Jack" holiday where I'd stay at home with Jack and the rest would go and have a more "normal" holiday.



#7 tracky2

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Posted 31 May 2016 - 05:49 PM

Holidays have always been an issue here. L bless him used to get sick all the time, it took us a while to realise it was his anxiety to change.

So after a few years off illness ( bless feel so guilty that he was going through that and I though it was allergies☹️) we have now cracked it we go to mablethorpe to a caravan by the see every year and as long as we dont deviate from that he manages. For the past couple off times we have broke the journey up and stayed overnight in a hotel but L does not cope in hotels so we are planning to go overnight this time, where we hope he sleeps some, but if he doesn't he will just watch DVDs.

We tried camping and Logan couldn't cope sleeping in the tent at night so that's out we also tried Lego land and Thomas land last October that was a bit of a nightmare with overload - thought he might enjoy things as he loves both Lego and Thomas.

We stick to what we know here now, it would be a shame if your DS missed out on the family holiday.

#8 Eggman

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Posted 01 June 2016 - 07:36 AM

LE is similar but not too difficult. I know he would rather stay at home playing on all his various devices and whenever we go on holiday he has never once got excited about it or looked forward to it.

 

It's a combination of having to get dressed into every day clothes which he hates doing, being away from all his things and routines that he enjoys and having to go out as every weekend we have a battle with him to get him outdoors.

 

We are staying in a Tudor cottage this year near New Forest. It apparently has very good internet connection and he sort of has a wing of the house to himself so that should appeal to him as he loves his 'quiet time' as he calls it.

 

There will be days out but we will make sure he also has time to himself.

 

I think the trick is as MP says to make it a home from home as much as you possibly can whilst still having a holiday.



#9 bluewater

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Posted 01 June 2016 - 07:51 AM

We were lucky ds1 didn't mind going away too much, but has major control issues and this can be difficult in a different space (knowing the layout of accommodation before going was essential + having grandparents available as an alternative option for him - sometimes going on holiday close to them, and sometimes them coming to the same location).



#10 Maverick

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Posted 01 June 2016 - 12:48 PM

We usually go to the same place every year.  We have the same lodge, J has his own room (which has a massive wardrobe in it to make into a den), we have a timetable for every day and like the others I try to replicate his bedroom at home at the lodge.  We take his own bedding (so it smells the same), alarm clock, lavender spray, night lights, lamp etc. 

After many years J has created his own routine for when he arrives (he is in charge of creating 'ambience' in the lodge) and is responsible for lights and curtain pulling. :-)



#11 Jolly Roger

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Posted 01 June 2016 - 06:23 PM

We had a Narrowboat for a while - that worked well, as LN knew it was always the same place, even if the view out of the window kept changing.

We provided wifi when there was signal, and the DVD player was an essential.

My change in jobs meant that it wasn't worth keeping the boat (very expensive for just four weeks holiday per year!) but we persuaded him to stay with us in a cottage by telling him that the Internet was going to be turned off in York so they could upgrade it, so we were going to stay in a cottage by the seaside where the Internet worked.

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#12 tracky2

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Posted 01 June 2016 - 06:56 PM

Yeah that's like me Maverick, I forget to mention taking everything but the kitchen sink for night time, as that is usually when the anxiety kicks up a notch, so we have his bedding, a night light, his CD player, fan, all his blankies and pillow and such.

During the day he knows his routine now as we've done much of the same things for years. As long as we let him guide us to what activities he wants to do each day, the beach, the outside pool, the park etc lucky or Dd is happy to go along with things.

We now also take a packed lunch with snacks for during day and we buy food we know he'll eat that night in the caravan, we rarely go out to eat as that also kicks in the anxiety. He has his own room so if he needs space he goes their and watches DVDs.

It's the one holiday off the year I look forward to knowing at least most off the time Ls anxiety is reletively low, but there's always something to rock that though isn't their lol
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#13 Tangled

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Posted 08 June 2016 - 02:08 PM

Thanks all. I think DH really struggled with all the compromises more than me. He'd love to go abroad and look forward to some guaranteed good weather, that just isn't happening though.

It's kind of good to remember it's not just us juggling things to try and make it work. xx



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