Jump to content


Photo

Needing A Wider Perspective


4 replies to this topic

#1 mimbles

mimbles

    Settled in nicely (I'm getting the hang of this...)

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPip
  • 17 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Interests:All things sci-fi and science, special needs.

Posted 12 June 2016 - 03:47 PM

Hi, Mr C (13) ASD has never been a huge fan of going to his dad's. He generally goes on a Monday night when his dad is around. Last week, as he does so often, he said he didn't want to go (quite desperately). Dad insisted he had to go. For the first time I felt on a different level that the onus is on me to advocate for him, as he is unable to say any of this to his dad. My feeling is that a NT 13 year old who felt the same would turn on his heels and say he wasn't going. Historically I feel very intimidated by his dad, and the times when I have tried to stand up to him, things have turned very nasty. I sat down with Mr C last night to try to talk through how he's feeling and he said he just wanted to be at home after school as its the only place he can relax, which I totally get. And yes, that does involve screens, whereas his dad doesn't. I feel torn as in some ways I admire his dad for getting him through an evening without screens, but I also recognise that screens allow C to relax and calm down after a day at school. I'd really appreciate people's perspective on this as I can't seem to get an 'outside of the situation' perspective, but I feel I can't keep ignoring C's wishes.

#2 mad cat lady

mad cat lady

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,461 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 13 June 2016 - 05:11 PM

This is a really difficult one as what is needed is compromise , if his Dad would allow him some screen time then he may be prepared to go but without some compromise then it will just get worse until their relationship breaks down. If this is difficult for you to discuss with his Dad is it possible that someone else could act as an advocate for your son, maybe someone that is not emotionally involved ?

I know it was difficult for my DH to get the hang of compromising but he has now and it has made things much easier.
  • mimbles likes this

#3 mimbles

mimbles

    Settled in nicely (I'm getting the hang of this...)

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPip
  • 17 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Interests:All things sci-fi and science, special needs.

Posted 13 June 2016 - 10:40 PM

I have just managed to find a service that provides advocacy for children with additional needs including ASD. Will be phoning them in the morning to see if they can help. Thanks for your suggestion!

#4 mimbles

mimbles

    Settled in nicely (I'm getting the hang of this...)

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPip
  • 17 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Interests:All things sci-fi and science, special needs.

Posted 14 June 2016 - 08:51 AM

So frustrating. The advocacy service that I was given a number for will only support children who are under the remit of social services. My son needs a voice. Any other ideas?

#5 imperfect parent

imperfect parent

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,956 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Interests:horse riding, reading, baking and SEN issues

Posted 14 June 2016 - 11:50 AM

Try the NSPCC.

 

It's hard enough negotiating with DH, the additional pressures of being separated must make a difficult life so much harder.  I'm often walking a fine line between kids and DH, if he had his own home where he could set his own rules I know it would be near impossible.





Reply to this topic



  


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users