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School Trouble

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#1 madferretlady


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Posted 13 February 2014 - 03:52 PM

hi guys - got a letter from my ADHD sons primary school telling me he had been referred to Education & Welfare Officer for poor attendance. I admit his attendance is not great but to be honest I am lucky to get him there as often as I do because he has major issues with his teacher. I have mentioned this in other threads before but she is very old school and seems to think that shouting and humilation and good teaching methods. As John finds it hard to focus or concentrate he gets shouted at alot. He hates her, hates going into school - every sunday he is in tears at the thought of having to go in to face her on the Monday. He worries so much he ends up with sore tummys and sore heads. I have been in to the school to talk to the head about this.


After my experiences with 2 of my older children (both ASD/ADD) I am reluctant to push him when he is so anxious. I did push these older 2 when they were clearly unhappy as I thought it was the right thing to do, and the result was that the boy tried to hang himself aged 12 and the girl had a complete breakdown aged 13 and has been out of school for a year now. I do not think John is as bad as they were in that I don't think he has issues with the school process in itself - he is just having issues with this particular teacher. Having said this he did stand with one of my kitchen knives the night before the new term started in january and said he would rather kill himself than have to go in to see that teacher.


Advice needed! 



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#2 mad cat lady

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Posted 13 February 2014 - 04:30 PM

It does not have to be as bad as it sounds, I know that our EWO was extremely understanding however as this is not always the case would your doctor be able to help,

Have you any interaction with CAMHS - ours is pretty useless but if you can show you have been telling them what is going on re the knife incident it shows evidence, also do you have an email trail stating that you have been talking to the school regarding his anxieties.

I also pushed J to get him to school and the results were an 11 year old with severe depression, violent and self harming , who has never recovered , given your experiences with the eldest two you know the damage forcing a child can do.

We contacted everyone for help which we did not get but no-one could accuse us of not trying and as soon as you reach that point the pressure is off as all an investigation would show was how the system had let you down, J's EWO appeared annoyed at meetings at the lack of help

Most importantly contact IPSEA who will be able to give advice and don't let the school bully you.
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#3 Valerina


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Posted 13 February 2014 - 08:09 PM

Poor you - I send sympathes.  i think you are doing the right thing.  My son's last teacher was similar although he wasn't any way near as upset about it.  Can you point out that his needs in his IEP state he can't be expected to....  Our school brought a behaviour person in but her response was firmly to encourage the teacher to praise - the onus should be on the teacher to build the relationship.  I also read the school's behaviour policy carefully and quoted it to the head when ds was put in detention for failing to sit still as it was in his IEP so is not his fault.That said with only 1 school age 6 yo I suspect your experience is greater than mine.  trust your instincts. Good luck

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#4 imperfect parent

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Posted 13 February 2014 - 08:13 PM

I agree with MCL,  an Education welfare officer can be a huge help if they are understanding.  I've dealt with a bad one who in exasperation offered to transfer me to her colleague who I knew would work with me; she was stunned when I agreed, and even more confused when her colleague backed me.  If all people listened and thought about things like the second EWO life would be so much easier.

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