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#46 JSC1101

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Posted 16 May 2014 - 09:32 PM

Have a 8 y/o with currently undiagnosed Aspergers (98% sure Aspergers or ASD). Have an appointment at CAMHS to have him assessed in just under two weeks. Thanks for your advice but please tell me something, does this get better/easier? Feel at the point of breaking sometimes especially when he's hitting me/himself and I can't seem to get anyone to understand/believe what he's like because he's angelic at school and is only like it at home.

#47 littlewren

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Posted 17 May 2014 - 01:19 PM

Hey, I can only sympathise as we are going through the exact same thing with our 5yr old. The peadiatrician says there may be something but the school refuse to see it. What I would say is I've found support via the net, don't be afraid to contact support groups because they can help even if he hasn't been diagnosed. My school told me I needed parenting classes but stick to your instincts and don't blame yourself. I've learnt that no matter how hard my son pushes me I know he doesn't mean to its an uncontrollable reaction to a situation he can't understand.

#48 JSC1101

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Posted 17 May 2014 - 01:35 PM

My sons school only seem to offer parenting courses as support in any situation it would seem! I've been trying to get some sort of support for him for two years from the school and it was only when his attendance got so poor due to his meltdowns that they intervened and even then they wouldn't see anything other than bad parenting from me. As he's my only child and I'm a single mum I ended up blaming myself for it all for so long. I'm no longer doing that thankfully. Now I can see that there are reasons behind the meltdowns, it does make easier to understand. For so long I didn't understand why but know I do.

#49 littlewren

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Posted 17 May 2014 - 02:09 PM

Its an awful feeling isn't it knowing that they are judging you as being a bad parent. Surely wanting help would make you a good parent! My arguement with the school was discipling a "normal" child as opposed to a child with an ASD must need a different approach so bog standard parenting classes are not going to be helpful... Or maybe I'm wrong lol I said to the school how can I discipline my son who is kicking off because I put his shoes on in the wrong order, he's not naughty he's just infinitely frustrated :(

#50 JSC1101

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Posted 17 May 2014 - 02:53 PM

For me, the reasons behind my sons meltdowns seem to be not knowing what's happening or changes of plans (whether it's set plans or something he's wrongly presumed is happening). I'm sure there's other things that I'm not picking up on and it's probably also just general frustration about not understanding the social world around him. He seems to have a lot of anxiety about lots of different things but can't tell me what he is feeling. His self esteem seems to be rock bottom and I'm sure that a lack of understanding of social situations at school and elsewhere is partly to blame for that.
Now I understand why he's behaving the way he is, things are easier but at the same time, I'm still unsure as how best to help him.

#51 littlewren

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Posted 17 May 2014 - 03:29 PM

I've heard of a set of flip cards that give a scale of how the child is feeling. They can show you the card and if they are stressed they can go chill out for a bit. You son is probably old enough to understand them even if can't express himself properly. I find myself telling our son what's happening of a day particularly if we are going out and watch out if I do something in the wrong order lol we even have to go through the TV schedule on cbeebies and he goes crazy when they change the programmes! You can go as far as routine charts or getting him to write lists, you just need to be wary that it can become an obsession ticking things off. :)

#52 bluewater

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Posted 28 June 2015 - 08:25 PM

Amazing advice here, if only I had read this when ds1 was being diagnosed! School has suggested ASD assessment for dd as well, so we will be much better prepared this time.






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