Jump to content


Photo

Getting To Know You


163 replies to this topic

#31 Flower

Flower

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,498 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Scotland

Posted 12 August 2010 - 10:45 AM

I joined ASD friendly last year after reading the article in the NAS magazine. I'm married to G and I together we have 2 sons. For the last 3 years I have been at home looking after my sons. Before that I worked as a florist and I loved my job. G works as a journalist. We live in Glasgow, but neither of comes from there. G comes from Norfolk and I come from the Netherlands (and just for the record not from Amsterdam).

Both my sons have a diagnosis of Autism.

E is 7 years old and goes to a school for children with special needs. He is in the autism unit as from next week. He loves lego, taking things apart, running around making noises :whistle Just to name just a few of his hobbies. He is very good at reading.

A is 4 years old and will be 5 at the end of September. He is starting mainstream school and I must say i'm very nervous about this as he can be a very anxious boy. His favorite things are climbing (he climbed on our roof ones :blink: ) piling soft toys in his duvet to make a den.
  • MaydayEvilawl and SalvadorSigars like this

#32 Steph

Steph

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,556 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:South Wales

Posted 12 August 2010 - 12:25 PM

Post so often that probably everyone already knows me, sometimes I think I should move in here and pay rent! :)

I'm Steph, I'm 25 yrs old, married to Andrew (37 yrs old) who is dx'd with HFA. We have two children, Caleb is 5 and Natty is 2 years.

I moved here from California when I was 18 on a fiance visa to marry Andrew (who I met online when I was 14). We were married January 17th 2004 and Caleb was born January 12th 2005.

Things were really rough for us for the first couple years, he knew no one apart from his family, which meant I didn't get much opporunity to meet people, either. I had severe post natal depression after Caleb was born which resulted in us being even more isolated and me completely missing the fact that he was delayed in every way possible. When nursery said they had concerns, I just replied with 'he'll catch up', but he never has.

Natty is under assessments for delayed development/speech delay but its very early days since she only just turned two.

I have a horrible habit of standing around with my mouth hanging open and letting my thoughts fall out :blush: I'm apparently abraisive (according to Nan :P), and like to know the ins and outs of a ducks arse :unsure: Whatever that means :confused

We're part of our local church and have found loads of support and acceptance there, we also have adopted family members nearby, including Calebs 'Nan' who has helped us love him and Natty since Caleb was 9 months old.

We have a black lab dog who is currently a naughty teenager, and a arab x cob yearling (that's a horse for you non-horsey folks) called Mojo.

#33 louloutinks

louloutinks

    Old as the hills

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 678 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Orpington

Posted 12 August 2010 - 12:41 PM

What a good thread Miss Mac! Can we keep this bumped up as I have a memory of a goldfish!

I am Lou, just turned 41(eek), single parent and I have one son who is 7 - 8 in September. For forums I call him Little Legs or just Legs. When Legs was about 14 months old, I knew something really wasn't right. No eye contact, no response to the world around him, stopped playing games such as bee bo etc, stopped talking. Mentioned it to my Mum and she said that she had noticed a change in my child too. Didn't know where to go, so I contacted the local Autistic society who sent someone round. they referred my child to the Children's Centre and Legs was able to have portage. Unfortunately this had to stop as whatever she brought round or whatever ideas she had, I was doing anyway. I kept asking for my child to be assessed - the local autistic society explained that the LA were being shy with handing out dx's due to funding. I don't care about funding and constantly rang the paed. My son was assessed and had the ADOS at home. What the centre made of it and what I made of it were two different things unfortunately and they told me that there was nothing 'wrong' with my child AT ALL.

Yes right oh....so I asked for a second opinion. Legs went to the Neuro team at Guys Hospital and they straight away said that that statement was ludicrous and why wasn't it spotted before? He was dx'd HFA. I did ask if he had ADHD also but the reply was no the hyper behaviour was due to his autism and sensory issues.

At that time he he was in a RC school - they did no believe in disabilities so WOULD not request a statement or acknowledge his needs yet they would send him home at lunch times everyday. However in the end they issued IEPS.

I contacted another school and managed to get him moved and the new school. He was placed in mainstream but was deemed too 'dangerous to others' so the school funded a place for the SOU despite my child not having a statement. They applied for one straight away.

I hate the fact that my son is considered the 'odd' one even in a group full of other autistic children. He is the one that no one plays with bless him. His lack of social skills are becoming much much more apparent as he has gotten older. He is a very solitary child and it takes him so long to learn to trust others or at least feel comfortable with them even though he appears extremely loud at times, he is so unconfident. After knowing my friend and her (SN) children for 3 or more years - he is just starting to relax with them. My Mum came over to see us the other day, and I had to write a list of what he should talk about to Nanny - otherwise he would not say anything apart from hello. He has a bad short term memory, is very aggressive but he is very very loving towards me and can be a very very sweet child. He is very repetitive and has really intrusive thoughts too.

I have had to fight for his statement changes for so long now - it wasn't describing my child at all and did not meet his needs whatsoever. I have managed to gain a place for him at an Independent school which is superb. Me - I will fight to the death for what my child needs and have done - but I now have fibromyalgia (brought on by stress!), ehlers danlos and after being told I had had a heart attack at Christmas (which it wasn't - just st elevations) caused by stress - was told to take life easy and to stop as much stress as possible.

In another life maybe lol! Won't take up any more room on this board :whistle

Oh and can I ask if I have got the right end of the stick - judging by the posts that GOM and Miss Mac are married!?

#34 Kitten

Kitten

    Old as the hills

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 728 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 12 August 2010 - 02:16 PM

Hi, I'm Kitten, I'm 39, divorced & Mum to B who's just turned 7 & C who's 3.

After qualifying as a nursery nurse, I spent ten years working as an LSA in an independent school for children and young adults with severe autism & challenging behaviour. I absolutely loved it, the children were a lovely bunch & I met some wonderful, caring people there. At the same time, I was trying desperately for children of my own, and underwent lots of tests with revealed that I'd be unlikey to concieve naturally. One of the procedures left me with an abdominal hernia, which made it pretty impossible to continue at work, and I eventually left while waiting for more surgery. Since then, I've spent time working on a checkout, and until a couple of years ago, as a courier driver/secretary/general dogs-body for my ex-husband. I'm currently trying to work out what I want to do with myself/am capable of careerwise :unsure:

B has been 'in the system' since August 07, and finally received a dx of ASD in February of this year. I've had a terrible time pushing school to put things in place for her, as she's passive at school, and have finally reached the conclusion that finding another school is really our only option. :(

C is 3, and is a bundle of frustration at the moment due to verbal dyspraxia. He's a typical lad, and does everything at 90mph, and unlike B, lets everything out no matter where he is! His playschool have known they've had him this year :whistle

We live next door to my parents, who, whilst trying their best, have health problems and other grandchildren to fit in, so contrary to popular belief, I haven't got babysitters on tap! It's nice for the children though, and at least it means that we only have ignorant neighbours on one side of us :glare:

I'm very, very shy, & even get embarrassed posting publicly, or joining in with group chat. One to one though, I'm as chatty as anything, in RL or online (as MG I'm sure will vouch for :P ) & am lucky enough to have some pretty great mates.

Oh, and we have a rescue border collie called Mollie, who's a lovely little lady :)

#35 Jack'sMum

Jack'sMum

    Grumpy Old Woman

  • 24 Hour Party People
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 7,438 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:At the end of my teather or Berkshire
  • Interests:Surviving to fight another day, with my make-up intact

Posted 12 August 2010 - 07:44 PM

I stumbled in here 6 and a half years ago, it was the day my son was dx'd with Autism, AHDH, oppositional defient disorder and a conduct disorder, my head was full of all sorts, hence why no thought went into my name :rolleyes:

With J I knew that he had autism, so was prepared to be told, wasnt prepared for being told thanks and bye. Thank God for ASDF without the guys here I hate to think how I would have cope.

Then 3 1/2 years ago my daughter was also dx'd with Autism. That day my world fell apart, I knew how tough ASD was and I didnt want my daughter to go thru the same pain.

I am currently single (but all offers will be concidered :whistle ) I am divorced, my ex doesnt want any contact with the kids and hasnt seen them for 2 years, not even a card, so I am sole career for J and L

J is 11, he has been at a specialist school for 3 1/2 years. It saved his life and mine. J is a runner (not the sporting type) self harmer and 2 years ago he tried to kill himself. I can honestly say that my friends here kept me afloat. And Twinkle and WG were there at night when I came back from hospital with wine and pizza (although WG cooked it and poisoned me and I spent all night throwing up lol But I still love her)

L is 7, blonde, blue-eyed angel, she also has a server speech disorder, she was 6 years old before she could say I Love you Mummy. I long for a day when we can sit down and have a conversation. She will soon be attending a speech disorder special school (when I find one)

#36 footy mum

footy mum

    Old as the hills

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 491 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:up north
  • Interests:Reading (when I have me time), baking (as therapy), watching the boys play football (nearly understand the rules!) and trying out as many coffee shops as possible!

Posted 12 August 2010 - 08:07 PM

:) Here goes,

Although I haven't been here long I do keep popping in and out so thought it might help to explain me and mine in one place - Great thread Miss Mac. The Fluffy Bunnies never left after having the kids so don't remember anything about anyone!

I was 42 last week (am sure I aren't really that old!), married for 16 years but have been with dh for 24 years :blink: We are all 'Yorkshire born and bred' with not a cloth cap between us.
I have always been in the school/education system - trained and worked as a Nursery Nurse in a school for children with severe difficulties, which I absolutely loved and then in a mainstream school. I studied at night class and then went to teacher training college. I graduated in 1994, got married 10 days later and started my first job three weeks after that.

I worked full-time in a mainstream primary, with children who had many needs, hence me then gaining an SEN qualification.
I left to go on maternity leave in Dec 1999, expecting a few weeks to myself but Oldest had other ideas and arrived 6 weeks early. We added to the brood rather rapidly.... and had 3 gorgeous boys within 2 1/2 years. (8yrs, nearly 9yrs and 10yrs) I have worked part-time since and have been the SENCo at my curent school for 3 years as well as being a class teacher.

I came to this site in December 2009 when Middl'un received a formal diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome. It was not really a shock as we had suspected for many years that he was a little out of sync with the world. He was slow to speak; didn't respond despite passing a number of hearing tests; was 'no bother'; ate non-food items regularly and so on.... As we learn more about him - sensory processing disorder, hypermobility, possible visual/auditory processing difficulties the more I realise that the way I think and feel is similar to him in many ways. Not going any further down that route but its always in the back of my mind.

We have always run a tight ship - due to number of small people and the need for routine to make sure everyone is washed dressed and in the right place at the right time. Really useful for Middl'un but it did mean his difficulties were masked for years as the structure to his days was perfect for him!

So here we are, still trying to get Middl'un the correct support - hopeful for the next academic year (year 4). He doesn't have a statement or even any kind of support in school.

As for me, when not working I run the house, am a secretary for the boys football club, transport boys from cubs, to cricket, to gym, to swimming, to youth club, to training and so on. Me time is spent baking (which I love) and reading (anything goes - books, magazines, cereal packets....) and, if I am really lucky, time with dh! ..... one day.....

I'll stop now. Well done if you've got this far without scrolling to the next post! :)

Edited by footy mum, 12 August 2010 - 08:11 PM.


#37 LauraJ-B

LauraJ-B

    Old as the hills

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 464 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 12 August 2010 - 08:52 PM

So glad we can all get to know each other a little better! Here goes...

I'm Laura, I discovered this site purely by accident when googling last November. One of the best things I've ever done.

I have been married to MrJ-B for 5 years this September (but been together for 10). He's my absolute best friend and a terrific husband and father.

We have S who is 3 and a half and is currently waiting for a multi agency team to review his case and diagnose him. Most of the professionals we've been working with believe he has autism and that's what we believe as well. He is lively, silly, gorgeous, and hard work rolled into one! He has a funny obsession with feet and watching people walking so much that we end up having to parade around the house for him so he can watch and flap!

We also have W who is currently 9 months and hopefully NT (is certainly different to S at the same age). He is a funny little thing, smiley a lot of the time and his current obsession is S! He is just about ready to walk so S better watch out!

I recently gave up my job in a hotel in order to stay at home with my boys and give S as much support as I can. Although I've worked there for 11 years, I originally went to uni with the intent on being a palaeontologist! I did a BSc in Geology and Biology and then a MSc in environmental science. One day maybe I'll use them, but for now I am content just being Mummy. :)

So glad to have met such lovely people on here and the support and advice I've received has really gotten me through this past 10 months so thank you all for that!

#38 Snickas

Snickas

    is in another galaxy

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 7,073 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Pegasus Galaxy
  • Interests:Astrophysics
    Stargates
    Star Treks
    I'm a huge space freak! lol

Posted 12 August 2010 - 09:11 PM

Posted Image ummmmmm well I'm Snix

I live on The Wirral, Cheshire (near Liverpool). I'm now 38 and have 5 gorgeous kids who I'm incredibly proud of. I've known my partner all my life, but we fell in love, oh some 12yrs ago now, I have been married before, to the 4 older kids dad, who is still a constant figure in our family. And we've also got J, our little nearly 5yrs old boy. P and I aren't married, through MY choice really as my mum's done it oh 4/5 times and it kinda gross's me out at the thought of going through the whole charade again (its not like I haven't been to enough weddings :rolleyes: ).

I found ASDf in Feb 2009, am a frequent poster, sorry Posted Image
I always talk about my 2 boys, M who is now 16, has got aspergers and adhd and J who is autistic.
M Posted Image was dx with ADHD when he was just 4yrs old and dx with aspergers when he was 8/9. Is starting post 16 at his independent specialists school in Sept, which hes incredibly anxious about as he'll be working with new staff for the first time since hes been at his school (7yrs now). Hes also been dx with depression and is aggrophobic. BUT our proud achievements is that he managed to his GCSEs this year, which we never ever thought would be possible 6yrs ago, can't wait to get his results.
J Posted Image was dx with autism in Aug 2009 when he was 3yrs old. Hes starting a specialist school in Sept, as hes getting older, many more autistic traits are coming to light, has now been dx with tactile hypersensitivty, tactile defensive and hypermobility. We've had to move house and have the house adapted to make J's daily life a little bit easier for him, but we've managed to achieve so much in past 6mths, from gaining a bit of independence and moved into his own bedroom and our latest HUGE achievement is that hes now toilet trained (well hes using the potty chair we got from OT as the toilet is a bit big for him, he doesn't like that) and hes dry through the night and he did that by himself Posted Image

Then we have my other children, S who is now 20, superviser in a bar, is 6ft 10ins and plays Posted Image He is absolutely amazing with the boys, sharing the bedroom with M to give him security and reassurance and is the currently on a mission to get M outside playing football with him and his friends.
Then theres A, who is now 19yrs old, works in the same bar as S. Hes the Posted Image the Jekyll and Hyde one of the family, was dx with ADHD when he was 8yrs and they told us he'd grow out of it, he hasn't Posted Image and our house knows it. But hes now with youngminds for therapy and anger management (not that we're seeing much improvement as of yet) and I give him alot of support.
And then we got C Posted Image omg shes 15 in a couple of weeks! who is amazing. Shes the sanity of the family really, helps me so much, helps everyone so much really, communicates for J all the time, calms M down in seconds by sorting things out for him and can't half stand her ground against A !!!!!! We recently got her into youngcarers to ensure shes getting a bit of respite away from us and to make sure school is helping her (school didn't even know about her brothers til recently! she never told them!). She wants to be an actress, specilises in Drama and media at school but shes also amazing with SN children, having recently did work experience at an SN school she learnt she is also incredibly gifted with SN kids. So shes also considering a voluntary role in Special Needs Schools.

I couldn't be without ASDf now, its become a huge part of all our lives at home (saving my sanity!), have made some AMAZING friends, who make every day worthwhile. And its been amazing reading through this thread, thank you for your time and your posts Posted Image

#39 debleo

debleo

    Old as the hills

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 290 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:bedfordshire

Posted 13 August 2010 - 12:49 AM

I'm Debbie. i'm 42 years old, been married for 24 years, to Paul who's 55 and has aspergers. I have four children, my eldest daughter is 19 years old and has oestogenisis imperfecta (britle bone disease), my youngest daughter who turns 18 years old next week is my rock, she grew up very quickly and has always kept me going, so caring and loving, she is off to uni in september to study music. My eldestr son is 16 years old and about to start 6th form he has aspergers, then we have my youngest son who is 4 years, he was quite a shock and certainly not planned, I Still tease my other son that he should'nt have wished for a brother when he was younger, Leo has asd, asthma, adhd an numerous other things,he was your average baby until around 18 months when he lost a lot of his speech, became very distant and hated been touched, he was diagnosed at 2 1/2, he has no social skills what so ever, and is due to start mainstream school in september with no statement, i'm still fighting that one. I work full time, on nights caring for adults with varing disabilities, leaving my wonderful hubby to contend with little or no sleep as little one only sleeps a few interupted hours a night. I also have a mad dog who i am sure should have been a cat, as he loves fish, laying on window sills and sitting on the back of the chair looking over your shoulder and i should add his a big dog.

#40 Serenity2

Serenity2

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,891 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 13 August 2010 - 06:31 AM

Hi, I am Serenity, was Hallyscomet and a few other things,

My story and life is very complicated. It would make days of your drearies, Days of Our Lives, look a breeze. Its too hard for me to go back over my life. So just saying I was late diagnosis in 2007 and 2008, it took 8 years to get my diagnosis. My son was diagnosed around 3 or 4 but I being autistic myself, didn't see all the signs as he was like me I guess.

My beautiful children are a blessing to me, and we have all had breakdowns because of our individual health problems. My son autism my daughter a brain tumour affecting her development and endocrine system. Her refusal to keep to her program which would keep her out of permanent care for 12 months, we worked hard for two years to help her recover the development and damage we only found out how serious it was at the age of 15, after first being diagnosed at the age of 9.

In 2004 I found my dad wasn't my dad, and the stress caused my relationship to split, has he was a widow with two children and his daughter was diagnosed with an Astrocytoma brain tumour while she was doing working holiday in London. My ex flew over there to be with her during the operation, and two years later, I was at her side during before and after she was to undergo a second surgery for a brain tumour the size of a golf ball, yes the tumor grew back after two years. This time radiation and chemo, was introduced. The nurses at the hospital kept referring to me as her mother and I had to advise them no I am her fathers 'girlfriend' her mother his wife is deceased since 1998. I lost my twin in 1997, so it was through friends my partner and I met, and both were really there for each other through the grieving process. After the second operation his daughter who was only 19 years younger than me and his son 21 years younger than me, started making jokes about family wills in front of my kids at Christmas and the once friendly atmosphere was becoming a constant obsession of my ex buying his daughter really expensive gifts and everything and everything she needed to make her happy. This obsession was making me feel very uncomfortable and he started giving me gifts for my home that was indicating we were not going to be together, he bought a BBQ and a dishwasher for 'my' home, it stopped being about us. His children were quite rude to me this Christmas and when it came to buy them birthday cards and presents I realised, I can't do this anymore, we are 'never' going to be a happy family. So I was the one to call it quits on these grounds.

It was two weeks after this, my daughter fell seriously ill revealing the extent of her tumor. My son had a breakdown 18 months after the MMR booster injection, and I believe a part of the family dynamics caused it.

I ended back on the merry go round of counselling, and talked my life and relationship issues over with my counsellor only to say, we are going round and round in circles. My 'life' was a life of deceit and lies and deception, totally neglected, ignored, and traumatic on may levels. I opened pandora's box and had a breakdown. Three years later I have put pandora's puzzle together with the help, of a medical team when I was hospitalized after severe seizures and about two three months which became a blur. Out of this came a good doctor that specialises in autism in women, that with two other doctors worked through my history at which I realised, no wonder I was on a merry go round of counselling for 8 to 10 years that was going no where but in circles. 'I was autistic, also selective mutism, have severe irlen syndrome.

It has been a journey of ups and downs, I couldn't have understood, without the wonderful help and support I have received from many kind and patent people on this forum. It helped me process my thoughts and then two medication changes, 15 panic attacks later requiring an ambulance led to a formal diagnosis of ASD.

My daughter is doing a traineeship in Child Care, taking charge of her health, will be 21 in November, my son is doing IT just completed Cert III after many failed attempts, and is now tackling Certificate IV. Knowing I am at the same college studying Fine Arts is helpful to him in knowing, there is a support when others don't help.

Since I have been sick, he decided he wanted to do the shopping, I have allowed him to try it and so far he is loving it. Anything he forgets my dd and I just pick up later in the week. He is finally shopping for his own clothes too. He is 23 now.

I hear the term the cup is half full, well, I have to work doubly hard to maintain it at half full, and I am sure there is a hole in the glass, so it makes me feel like crap sometimes. But my meds are cocooning me from those thoughts and I make mistakes still, but at least I can say ah ha, there IS a reason this happens, and I am still getting to a point where I feel I am able to plug up that whole in the glass but sometimes it comes lose, making me feel 'argh.... but, I don't cry and get emotional about it, I now say, oh well, this IS me, accept and try and protect myself during these vulnerable times. Cocoon myself, stay home. Don't feel bad, I am doing my best and so is my daughter and son and that is all we can all do.

Thank you ASD friendly and all those that have been there for me, you are all wonderful. ((((Hugs))))

Love
Serenity and my kids too. :-)))) would say thanks. As you all helped me keep a lid on it and release the valve on the pressure cooker when all went pearshaped. xx

#41 Serenity2

Serenity2

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,891 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 15 August 2010 - 06:37 AM

Hi,

I was just reading through your stories and realised, my intro wasn't really done properly. I live in Australia, born and raised, I am 49, and I will be 50 next year. Arrrgghhh!!!!...met my husband when I was 21 and married him when I was 24. Two years later ds was born, then 2.5 years later dd was born. All up we were together 11 years and married for 7 of them. We separated when my son was dx with Autism, he remarried two years later and has a daughter. He and this family moved interstate and I encouraged it as their presence was unsettling to the dynamics of my family. I felt blessed when he remarried, as I said to the new girlfriend, I am glad you took him away. They have been separating ever since they were married 16 years ago. Go figure...!!!

I partner I described below, was the one I thought I would marry, but wasn't to be as his wife only died 12 months before we started dating. We were together for 7 years, then circumstances mine being the love of the church and his being a Rotarian, made me feel like I was just a social handbag. I am very happily single. I am at college fulltime studying Fine arts and Visual Art Comtemporary Craft, joined a choir two months ago, told my story to my Pastor, that I had 'issues' with the knowledge I am a 'rude word b....rd..' and if you look it up on dictionary dot com it also says they cannot be a child of God. I sent this to my Pastor saying this is really harsh for people in my circumstance. I said I am in a cocoon on medications, coping with my ASD diagnosis, and knowing my true biological father and I will never meet because of me being born in between the ages of his two sons. So, I was a complete accident. What have I learned from it...... my pastor says this moment is you cocooning yourself and one day will become a beautiful butterfly, My comment to my doctor about that statement was I would rather stay in a cocoon, that be a beautiful butterfly, no doubt, I am more likely to come out a 'moth' my doctor said, you know there are some really interesting moths out there, to which he got a giggle out of me. :-)) Gosh a bird just flew into my window and hurt itself. Realising reading my testimony here, I have the most amazing relationship with God, who I asked to be my dad when I was 9 years old in a Catholic church years ago. Long story. I think I will be painting lots of sunrises and sunsets, because God placed me in the most amazing home on the northern beaches in sydney where I get to see the sunrise up over the ocean, and get to watch in sunset out my left side of my house. So, although my story does dound dreary, it isn't all bad. Thanks to my wonderful children, God, music, art, and ASD Friendly. ((((((hugs)))))) sorry, it takes a while to say what I need to say. Hope this second attempt helps.


Hi, I am Serenity, was Hallyscomet and a few other things,

My story and life is very complicated. It would make days of your drearies, Days of Our Lives, look a breeze. Its too hard for me to go back over my life. So just saying I was late diagnosis in 2007 and 2008, it took 8 years to get my diagnosis. My son was diagnosed around 3 or 4 but I being autistic myself, didn't see all the signs as he was like me I guess.

My beautiful children are a blessing to me, and we have all had breakdowns because of our individual health problems. My son autism my daughter a brain tumour affecting her development and endocrine system. Her refusal to keep to her program which would keep her out of permanent care for 12 months, we worked hard for two years to help her recover the development and damage we only found out how serious it was at the age of 15, after first being diagnosed at the age of 9.

In 2004 I found my dad wasn't my dad, and the stress caused my relationship to split, has he was a widow with two children and his daughter was diagnosed with an Astrocytoma brain tumour while she was doing working holiday in London. My ex flew over there to be with her during the operation, and two years later, I was at her side during before and after she was to undergo a second surgery for a brain tumour the size of a golf ball, yes the tumor grew back after two years. This time radiation and chemo, was introduced. The nurses at the hospital kept referring to me as her mother and I had to advise them no I am her fathers 'girlfriend' her mother his wife is deceased since 1998. I lost my twin in 1997, so it was through friends my partner and I met, and both were really there for each other through the grieving process. After the second operation his daughter who was only 19 years younger than me and his son 21 years younger than me, started making jokes about family wills in front of my kids at Christmas and the once friendly atmosphere was becoming a constant obsession of my ex buying his daughter really expensive gifts and everything and everything she needed to make her happy. This obsession was making me feel very uncomfortable and he started giving me gifts for my home that was indicating we were not going to be together, he bought a BBQ and a dishwasher for 'my' home, it stopped being about us. His children were quite rude to me this Christmas and when it came to buy them birthday cards and presents I realised, I can't do this anymore, we are 'never' going to be a happy family. So I was the one to call it quits on these grounds.

It was two weeks after this, my daughter fell seriously ill revealing the extent of her tumor. My son had a breakdown 18 months after the MMR booster injection, and I believe a part of the family dynamics caused it.

I ended back on the merry go round of counselling, and talked my life and relationship issues over with my counsellor only to say, we are going round and round in circles. My 'life' was a life of deceit and lies and deception, totally neglected, ignored, and traumatic on may levels. I opened pandora's box and had a breakdown. Three years later I have put pandora's puzzle together with the help, of a medical team when I was hospitalized after severe seizures and about two three months which became a blur. Out of this came a good doctor that specialises in autism in women, that with two other doctors worked through my history at which I realised, no wonder I was on a merry go round of counselling for 8 to 10 years that was going no where but in circles. 'I was autistic, also selective mutism, have severe irlen syndrome.

It has been a journey of ups and downs, I couldn't have understood, without the wonderful help and support I have received from many kind and patent people on this forum. It helped me process my thoughts and then two medication changes, 15 panic attacks later requiring an ambulance led to a formal diagnosis of ASD.

My daughter is doing a traineeship in Child Care, taking charge of her health, will be 21 in November, my son is doing IT just completed Cert III after many failed attempts, and is now tackling Certificate IV. Knowing I am at the same college studying Fine Arts is helpful to him in knowing, there is a support when others don't help.

Since I have been sick, he decided he wanted to do the shopping, I have allowed him to try it and so far he is loving it. Anything he forgets my dd and I just pick up later in the week. He is finally shopping for his own clothes too. He is 23 now.

I hear the term the cup is half full, well, I have to work doubly hard to maintain it at half full, and I am sure there is a hole in the glass, so it makes me feel like crap sometimes. But my meds are cocooning me from those thoughts and I make mistakes still, but at least I can say ah ha, there IS a reason this happens, and I am still getting to a point where I feel I am able to plug up that whole in the glass but sometimes it comes lose, making me feel 'argh.... but, I don't cry and get emotional about it, I now say, oh well, this IS me, accept and try and protect myself during these vulnerable times. Cocoon myself, stay home. Don't feel bad, I am doing my best and so is my daughter and son and that is all we can all do.

Thank you ASD friendly and all those that have been there for me, you are all wonderful. ((((Hugs))))

Love
Serenity and my kids too. :-)))) would say thanks. As you all helped me keep a lid on it and release the valve on the pressure cooker when all went pearshaped. xx



#42 Mo

Mo

    Biker Chick

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,959 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:braveheart country.....is there anywhere else
  • Interests:Can't remember but i know i am not forgetful

Posted 15 August 2010 - 12:12 PM

Ok,I am Morag but most people call me Mo, unless i have really annoyed them.
I am 45 and have 1 boy and 2 girls.
I am married to Neil, 9 years last week but have been with him for 15 years.

Our eldest child is Bold Boy who will be 11 in November. He is a complicated wee thing who has caused us all sorts of sleepless nights since he was 3 weeks old. He has a dx. of AS/HFA and ADHD but I am never fully convinced that is right. For a variety of reasons I am convinced he is more autistic than we see. He has no organisational skills, has regular meltdowns over wee things being "not right", is verbally abusive and physically agressive to myself his sisters and any other child who he decides is being mean to him.
He is also very cuddly, funny and has a blast doing most outdoor stuff, swimming and rolling around the trampoline in a quilt. Other times he is locked into his xbox or his movies.
School has been fraught for the last 2 years as his learning difficulty has become more obvious and his attendance is rubbish due to refusal....the school blame me, i blame them but there is actually no other suitable alternative.
He is about to enter his final year at primary and my main task is identifying an appropriate high school for him as nominations must be in by November.
They have already told me they will not fund anything beyond our local high school.

Middle Miss is 7, thinks she is 17 and spends most of her time wandering around like Dolly Dimple singing lady gaga songs and having an attitude.
She is brave, a battler (and has been since being born at 32 weeks), clever and despite getting hassled from her siblings she rarely lets it get to her.

Wee Dame is 5 and she has AS plus speech delay.
She is non stop, funny, beautiful and a determind little so and so.
She has frequent screaming fits as she fails to take time to listen/process what is going on, She is clumsy and easily upset. Terrified beyond reason about flies but apart from that she works hard at trying to do stuff like her sister does.
She was also an unplanned baby who was born when her her brother was being diagnosed and her sister was 17mths.
I had been back at work exactly 10days from my previous MAT leave when i found out i was pregnant :blush:

Neil was a prison officer for many years but when the Wee Dame was 9 months old he was knocked of his motorbike by a car who "forgot to look" and has been left with chronic/severe pain due to multiple pelvic breaks, lower spinal damage, a shortened leg and some renal difficulties.
He has finally had to give up his desk job that he was re-deployed to as the pain was out of control. He was a guy whose whole free time was spent climbing mountains, mountain biking and running 5 miles a day so to say he struggles to cope with the changes in his life is understating it. He also struggles with the kids now for same reasons.

So, back to me. I was a psych nurse for a few years after school then went to uni and turned into a social worker for the next 19 years. I done generic work for a few years then went back to a mental health team.
I loved my job but a son going through dx. a husband in hospital, then on a bed in the livingroom for 3 months, a demanding toddler and a 9mth old kinda put an end to that. Plus a violent ex husband who left an almighty trail of misery in his wake on peoples lives coming back in nightmares just kinda set the seal on things and my brain decided it had had enough and i ended up with a diagnosis of type 2 bi-polar depression.

In the middle of all that i was googling one night and thankfully i found this place.
I have made some very good friends here who i love seeing, although it is rare we get the chance and i know that there are people her who would always help me out.

I rely heavily on being able to try and find something funny in even the worst situations to help me cope, i have found a braveness i never knew i had and my sheer bloody mindedness not to let go has seen me through.

#43 Helenhugs

Helenhugs

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,765 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Peterborough

Posted 16 August 2010 - 05:41 PM

I guess I should do a proper intro now. I still feel like a newbie but I guess I've been here 6 months. I'm married to Adrian for almost 10 years & we live in Peterborough with our 4 gorgeous children, J (12) S (9) Squiggle (7) & A (6).
I clearly post too frequently judging by the number of posts I have managed to make in the 7 months since I joined just days after Squiggle was diagnosed autistic in feb 2010

I went to the doctors in sept 09 after a particularly stressful summer hols and after much pushing from a close friend who had come to the conclusion Squiggles behaviour wasn't normal. When he began smearing poo on the walls I knew I couldn't cope anymore & went to the docs expecting to be told I was just a rubbish mum & I had failed with him somewhere along the line. She took 1 look at the little list I had written & asked if I thought he was autistic then. I confess my knowledge was a bit squiff, rainman & rocking were all I could think & said no. She referred me on anyway & I saw a rubbish doc at the child development clinic who told me 60% of people show autistic traits. after a chat to his boss who felt I should have a multi agency meeting it was booked for feb 2nd (after being rearranged because of my gallstones op). I walked out of the meeting with a dx which since my initial docs appt made so much more sense & I understood it was a spectrum now. I was in shock for a few days/weeks as I had heard you need to battle for a dx but was told because Squiggle was the same at school as he was at home it held a lot of weight & thats why it was "so easy"

J is a typical 12 yr old in lots of respects especially attitude lol but what I say goes and he generally understands that. He's gifted in maths, english, science & history.

S shows a lot of autistic traits but I certainly don't feel she needs any dx to get through life. Shes great & such a character.

A is a proper little mini mum :lol: she tells the others off, she says things I say and makes everyone feel better. She is also gifted although because of her age they are reluctant to pin it down to subjects yet although she seems very like J.

We are currently considering dx for hubby as he has acknowledged he might well be on the spectrum as it fits him to a tee. He seems to feel a dx will help even if there is no extra help available to him it will make him feel better to have someone acknowledge why he behaves the way he does & he's not an odd freak (his words).

I want to be a teacher. it's all I've ever wanted to do & having children just put my plans on hold for a while. So I'm hoping to be finding out about getting sorted & deciding which way is going to be the best for us as a family of getting into the profession. I help out in school 3 days a week, am a parent governor and on the PTFA. I'm friendly & ougoing but always shy initially. Oh & we all attend a fabby church which has been on tv a few times called Kingsgate :)
Hugs
Helen

#44 Stiggy

Stiggy

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,783 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 17 August 2010 - 08:53 AM

Hi im stiggy...my nick name since i was as thin as a rake as a child up untill my late 30's then Loob CAME along i had spd i think its called( my pelvic muscles had come apart front and back ) and was laid in bed from my 27 th week untill birth when i gave birth the water flooded the hospital and everyone had to be evacuated.lol

I have been married for 8 years in oct but been with my life saving husband for 18 years ...i have 3 children from previous marriage that was horrendous to say the least ,I am a hair dresser andat the age of 44( don't know how i got there ) my husband says i have AS but i think he has it .

My eldest daughter who is almost 23 is the most beautifull girlshe has severe mental health issuise was partly diagnosed at 14 with ADHD learning difficulties and a conduct dissorder, but sadly she would NOT carry on with the final assesments so no dx...i am a carrer for her night and day she is extremely hard work , SHE has had meany suicide attempts the last being the worst when she flung herself from my car without warning when i was doing approx 30 mph she also self harms .

The middle boy is almost 20 and was diagnosed with AS at 20, he a very quite boy and has has a current obsession with gambling ...which we hav sort of got inhand now ...his obsessions last for 2-3 years so hopefully this one is coming to a end.

Finally there loob he isnearly 7 and when he started at 18 months being the most difficult child imaginable ( well not for you )i questioned my parenting thinkinhg god what am i doing to my kids .
He started a nursery where i worked at 18 months and i could see how different he was...i found it too difficult to work i was a mess constantly crying and with the strains of the eldest left and put loob in his current schools pre-school where within weeks they called me in to say they thought he was either AS or Autistic my life fell apart and i had what i think was a break down.

Loobs is the best thing to have happened to us he has taught me so much and i have put right a lot of rubbish parenting i did with the eldest.

I came here just after dx 's 3 years ago almost ..loob had a significant language delay ASD sensory processing dissorder and hypermobile joints he is hyper loud...FUNNY doesn't stop asking questions and talks jibberish when playing.
He has a photographic memory and always knows what i need from the shops and the days date constantly ask you to add numbers together and has been reading from the age of 2.
He is very sociable now which made me question his dx for a while but its all on his terms so im over that now.

#45 Stiggy

Stiggy

    How many posts? Get a life!

  • ASDf Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,783 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 17 August 2010 - 10:32 AM

EDITED have 3 children 2 from previous marriage and middle son was dx at 17 ...
Excuse spelling and grammer ..not a strong point of mine . :rolleyes:



Reply to this topic



  


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users