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Struggling With Constant Arguing/avoidance

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#1 tracky2


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Posted 30 December 2016 - 10:57 PM

Hi I'm looking for a little input from others more educated on Asd behaviours.

Is it a common trait off Asd to argue over everything? 😬

I thought it was just when L was displaying anxiety that he became argumentative, not lately ....

Everything we ask him to do he ignores our request or argues about it, he gets a look that begs for an argument and he purposely continues until stopped and then he'll start getting physical. Luckily this is not full throttle yet as he's still young enough to be scared off the consequences. He is so determined though.

He has always been stubborn and difficult to manage when he doesn't want to do things, manipulation or bribery rarely works on him. He truly believes he has the right to be in control and doesn't understand there is different rules for adults and children.

Today we were in Edinburgh an environment he's always managed in but today he argued about everything, it was so trying, when he was told anything he would do the opposite or continue the act whilst looking at me defiantly with a smirk.

I've noticed to a lot more lately, although it was evident at a young age, but now he verbalises a lot more and argues for the reasons to why he can't do things repeating them again and again until he thinks your going to give in.

I'm wondering if I'm actually looking at psd Aswell?.. he displays classic avoidance behaviour That can be tough to negotiate especially if he claims to be unwell.

Is it likely for L to have the two psd and Asd? I'm struggling to get the one diagnosis ☹️️ As typically school see none off this I've no chance to get anybody to look at two...

I just don't know how to manage this as it's so tyring and nothing seems to work to get him too stop whatever he is trying to do wether it's get a reaction or complete a task he wants to do no matter what we say.

Maybe this is just part off the process, it's like walking a minefield sometimes , the frustrating thing is I'm being told by others they see nothing and the peadetrician saying mild if anything because off the school having a difference in opinion to us. Ahhhh😫

Sorry for rant I've just had a very tyring day off constant arguing and very little compliance everything was a battle.

#2 queen claudia

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Posted 01 January 2017 - 11:21 AM

LE does this and it's really tiring. He will argue over absolutely anything. He sees it as a battle he has to win whether he is right or wrong that doesn't matter.


I was actually thinking of possibly PSD myself but he doesn't display this behaviour at school as he is impeccably behaved there and I always thought with PSD you had to display it in whatever environment you were in.


In our case I think it's a mixture of ASD social communication sort of thing and typical teenage argumentative behaviour.


I can only tell you what we do and that is we never let him away with it. Dh in particular is very good as he is very articulate and patient (unlike me!) so will talk for hours with him about his unacceptable behaviour and LE hates these discussions.


If that doesn't work removal of privileges is our next step. PS4 time usually.


Saying that he is off again arguing the next day!

#3 tracky2


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Posted 02 January 2017 - 11:10 AM

Yeah I think your right queen Claudia, I'm more inclined to think it's p huge part if this complex spectrum.

I'm researching at the moment looking in to strategies to work with him on.

My aim this year is to gain mindfulness for myself, My default position is to stress out and raise my voice which doesn't really work out for anybody because I'm not helping him find a better way off doing things.

Determined to get healthier this year, not just fitter but healthier in all aspects, suffering from a horrible virus for 6 months has gave me a new outlook.

I'm not sure what I will achieve however but it's a start right x

#4 Kadenza


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Posted 02 January 2017 - 08:15 PM

Have  a look at Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) which is the 'branch' of autism that my DD has.  When she is feeling in control, and her anxieties are low, Boo manages and enjoys most situations without incident.  However, when her anxieties are high (and with PDA pretty much any feeling of not being 100% in control will trigger high anxieties), then the controlling, refusing, demand avoidance is very much apparent.

Dr Phil Christie (from the Elizabeth Newson Centre) advises that we see our PDA children as having two dials that are linked.  When her 'anxiety level dial' is low, the 'expectation dial' should be raised, and vice versa.  

It is a constant balance.  Very hard going on all of us, including her!


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