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Adhd Son In Trouble Again


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#1 madferretlady

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Posted 23 September 2013 - 05:23 PM

feeling very down as adhd 9 year old JJ in trouble again at school. 3 mothers from his class complained about him. The idiot wrote an angry note (with bad language) venting his feelings about 3 boys who have been tormenting him since school started this term,  What was he thinking? Of course they went straight to their Mothers who went straight to the school.

 

Of course he shouldn't have used the language he did, However the ability to think of consequences is beyond him - he was really angry and he reacted.  They have been calling him a boy/girl and telling him he has a "mangina" (he is overweight) and have been nudging each other, pointing at him and laughing and pretending to whisper about him since the start of school at the end of August. He has to sit near them, so it has been pretty much constant. So he flipped and wrote a note saying they were all "f..ing" "b...ds", that he hated them, and then drew a hand with the middle finger up. Then he gave it to them!!

 

One of the Muothers is a bit "holier than thou" - and already looks down on me and my parenting skills, another can see no wrong in her child (who is a devious wee manipulator). But the third is a really nice lady whose child is generally a nice wee lad, though perhaps not desperately bright and a bit easily led. 

 

This happened on Friday (though I wasn't called in until today) - & the wee b...s arrived at my door on Friday night and asked if JJ could come out. He was gullible enough to want to go and to think they wanted to be friends but I was suspicious because I knew they had been tormenting him and have never ever called for him before. I wouldn't let JJ go out. Now I know why they called - they knew he was in big trouble at school and had called to gloat.

 

In fact the head was really nice - she said it was out of character of JJ to be so nasty - he is impulsive and will react to provocation and does get into fights frequently but he wouldn't be the type to sit down and think of writing out something like that. When I told her about all the name calling etc said she knew there had to be something behind his behaviour and would tel his teacher to watch out  for the 3 of them.

 

However i still feel absolutely awful



#2 imperfect parent

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Posted 23 September 2013 - 06:32 PM

There is a real positive in this; he wrote what he thought down and didn't get into a fight. This is for school to sort out, and it sounds as though they are doing that.

 

Bullying is not necessarily about what is sad or done, but how it is perceived.    I would call what they are doing to your son bullying, and it it needs to stop



#3 madferretlady

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Posted 23 September 2013 - 07:34 PM

thanks imperfect parent - I suppose you are right - it is probably better he did write his anger than get into a fight - maybe it is a step forward. i just wish he hadn't used the language he did, but that is probably me just worrying about what other parents think of me and where he hears this sort of stuff from. He is the youngest of 5 and cannot help but be exposed to what his older siblings and their friends are up to (oldest 3 are 18,19 and 22). So of course they got a earful about watching their language and what they are watching on tele when their wee brother is about! I thought I had learned not to care so much about what other folk think of my family. I know my son is Trouble, but he really is not mean- despite the letter. what you see is what you get with him . Unfortunately I doubt that the other mothers will see past the language to the "why" (tho the Head did - bless her)

 

All the same I would have my son with all his impulsivity any day over their mean offspring 



#4 Eggman

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Posted 24 September 2013 - 08:29 AM

I would really make a point of every time your son gets bullied by these children from now on. Write it down and send it in a note to the class teacher, copied to the HT. There is no way he should have to put up with any of that abuse and name calling.

 

There was an SN boy in LE's class who was being picked on constantly being called 'GayCub' (he's a Cub Scout) and this boy ended up on report. I would take any name calling very, very seriously as it can have a terrible affect on any child but for our children even more so.

 

This boy has now started picking on LE taunting him about his eye condition (he has double vision and has to sit in a particular chair) and asking "are you blind or something!" and such like.

 

I reported it immediately to his LSA, will continue to do so and will take it further if I have to.

 

Apart from anything else it will show those other parent's that their children are not so perfect after all and may make them think twice about that note.

 

It sounds like he has been highly provoked and it's not surprising he snapped and wrote that note.

 

I can understand how upsetting it is for you but in a way at least the school know now of what's been going on so should take any of your concerns a bit more seriously now.



#5 madferretlady

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Posted 24 September 2013 - 09:09 AM

I think I failed him actually - he did tell me about all the name calling earlier in the week, but I was taken up with preparing for a multi-disciplinary about my out of school 13 year old beanie, and gearing up emotionally to saying goodbye to my 19 year old son heading off to university in Loughborough (a major achievement as almost 2 years ago he was in hospital after a rugby match ended in a brain hemorrhage and missed a year of school). I am afraid I put off dealing with JKs problem (I meant JK earlier & just realised I have been typing JJ up to now - JJ is my older ASD son). I should have realised JK could not wait patiently but was going to snap and bring things to a head. Another mother (actually a teacher in a different school) private messaged me on facebook to say that her son told her about the incident but had also said he thought JK was justified in what he did because the 3 boys had been giving him alot of grief. So starting to feel less isolated.

 

You are right - I have got to be proactive about this and be straight in any time these guys give JK a hard time.

 

Thanks guys - the moral support and advice has been wonderful



#6 Eggman

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Posted 24 September 2013 - 11:14 AM

Don't be so hard on yourself. We've all put things off for one reason or another sometimes even thinking that we may be over-reacting and then kicked ourselves afterwards.

 

I've done it myself and will no doubt do the same again. It's hard to know sometimes when to step in.

 

I'm glad you don't feel as isolated now. Loads of ((((hugs)))).


Edited by Eggman, 24 September 2013 - 11:14 AM.

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#7 madferretlady

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Posted 26 September 2013 - 08:49 AM

thanks again - & on a positive note JK has now been moved away from the 3 boys to a much nicer table. I hope he behaves there and doesn't end up moved again because he is annoying the kids there by his inability to keep still or keep quiet.






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