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Please Help - Depressed Teenager


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#1 Busybee

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 07:23 PM

I am really at a loss as to what to do for the best here

My 15yo who is normally the happiest thing in the world (with the occasional mega strop) has become depressed, lethargic, lacking interest in herself and whats going on around her. She has taken herself off to bed twice today for hours at a time, lying in the dark. She has even broken her own rules about frequency of showering etc :o :o

She has been extra stressed all week, and has hardly seen her 2 friends at all. I dont know if its because her big bro is about to move away from home to work (this Monday) or because of the recent preparations for her to start college in Sept. After 2 sessions at the adult learning centre, she says she is too anxious to go back. Now saying she wouldnt be able to go to college.

She is so frustrated with her anxiety at the moment, and fear of failure (ie if we try to go somewhere she knows after a few times it will be too much and she will have failed at that). We have just cancelled her horse riding because she wanted to stop going there. She says there is just me, my sister and one of her friends that she feels safe with and can go out places, but even then it has to be familiar and only in certain circumstances.

We get no outside help (she left school 18 months ago due to severe anxiety), she wouldnt be able to access any of it anyway, even it was available, and I really dont know how to help her try things. I have tried everything I can think of; small steps, small goals, accompanied, etc etc. But when she has one failure it sets her right back.
She says she feels like a loner, no friends, no way of doing anything that is stimulating for her, and anything she might want to do, she can't because she is too scared to try it, and she is fed up of getting obsessed about whatever it is that might interest her.... She was begging me for a brain transplant!!

To make things worse, I have no idea if I will have a job at my place (like a lot of people) and have the option of applying for some really excitng jobs coming up, but that would mean a bit more travel and a bit harder to balance looking after her properly and keeping a roof over our heads. Plus her big bro was around a lot to keep her company :( and he wont be around after Monday (poor sod has been desperate to get away for months)

Any suggestions??????

#2 jojolouise

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 07:44 PM

I really dont know what I can say to help you and your DD, hopefully someone will be able to gave some suggestions...(((hugs)))

#3 Jeanne

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 08:26 PM

HI I'm really sorry I don't know what to suggest either, although it's probably best to talk to social services to see if they can give you any help. Let us know how you get on. I think I will end up being in your position soon with my son once he's home again from being away having an in-patient assessment at the moment.

#4 nomatterwhat

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 08:35 PM

Posted Image

#5 raregold

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 09:45 PM

im sending you big hugs :big hug:, im not sure how to help you, but maybe social services may have some ideas other than that i dont know i hope someone comes in soon that will have some good advice for you. xx

#6 Snickas

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 10:00 PM

I know only too well how hard it is, especially when you're trying to encourage an AS with no self esteem or confidence.
Posted Image

M has been dx with agrophobia and depression as well but due to already taking high doses of Concerta XL, we've avoided taking any other medications. He won't leave the house at all on his own free will.
Hes now 17 but we've managed to keep the routine of going to school going with the help of Concerta, admittedly :( But hes finishing post 16+ this year and is leaving the only other place hes attended for the last 10yrs...scary times ahead. Posted Image
If we plan something as a family, the only way we've managed to get him to join in on his own freewill is by literally springing it all on him at the very last second :huh: otherwise his anxieties is climbing the walls and by the time the moment comes, hes in full blown meltdown mode and we'd never get anywhere.
This time last year though, I knew this was all going to be a huge problem as he was approaching 17, so I got in touch with SS to apply for direct payments so that we could hire a buddy on our rules and terms. Its took me this long to actually be successful, we've finally just been awarded with 5 hrs a week. And one of his older brothers friends has just had a CRB check. It was ideal for us to pick the friend as M was already familiar with him (the friend has spent a few nights in M's bedroom (which he shares with eldest sibling)) so friend is already familiar with M having a meltdown and how we deal with it (thats another whole story on its own really :rolleyes: ). But we also noticed that M changes his behaviours when friend was around, he wants to across as cool, etc so we thought we'd work on that :pip:

So maybe that is something you could try and get as well? I had to battle to get M a SW but I managed to get one in the end by demanding for Carers Assessment, due to my ill health and having to give J a lot of 1:1. But anyone can actually ask for for a carers assessment, Link to Carers UK, direct payments information page.

But also, our local NAS has been an absolute tower of strength for us with where we want to go with M's future and have gone away to try and see what they can do to help us and support him so that he can eventually achieve university, which is what he really wants.
Am just waiting on them to come back out with a package of planning and support.
Please, ring try ringing your areas office, if not sure, ring the main NAS helplines. They are there to help us. They know how hard it is for us.

Hope this info is of some help for you Busybee :hugs2: You're not alone hun :hugs2:

forgot to say: I completely understand and relate to older sibling...M has told S that "you CANNOT EVER consider leaving, I'm not ready yet" when he will be, well i think we all know that'll be a never if it was down to him. S also has to ask permission to stay overnight at his g/f's house :blush: which he is tolerating atm but i dread the day he says "am sick of this, i want a life". Its so so hard on everyone in the house as well as the parents.

Edited by Snickas, 26 February 2011 - 10:04 PM.

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#7 jesm

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 11:18 PM

Hugs x

I'm feeling a bit rubbish myself, so I understand. My situation is that we need to move house, but the market is rubbish and a great deal of pressure is on the family irrespective of my AS. Finding things that I can do is difficult, but I have started doing a few things, though I am still scared. What scares me most that I am a drag on my family.

However, in the words of Churchill, "We must just KBO ('Keep Buggering On')."

#8 Chris B

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 11:50 PM

How is your/her GP on this...
Aware of how things are?
Capable of understanding?

That's basic route for medical services and referrals, and this isn't something you should be coping with on your own.
These are clinical levels of depression and anxiety.

You very much need to be involved because you understand your daughter better than professionals unfamiliar with her, but this cannot just be your job.
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#9 Busybee

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Posted 27 February 2011 - 09:44 AM

Thanks guys. I think I will try the GP (although I doubt very much dd will come with me), and I will give social services a try too. She likes the idea of a buddy; its just a case of finding one I think. We already get DLA so that would help pay for it.

I will try NAS as well, although I have had no success in contacting the local branch; they have never returned my calls or emails!!

She did churp up a bit last night and had some food in the end, but I think we have a way to go yet.

:)

#10 Chris B

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Posted 27 February 2011 - 12:37 PM

[quote name='Busybee' timestamp='1298799878' post='337713']
Good luck and best wishes.

If she will not/cannot come out to visit her doctor, that's a solid piece of information *for* the doctor.

Chris.

#11 Busybee

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Posted 05 March 2011 - 05:45 PM

well so far I have got the GP to refer us back to CAMHS (can't wait for that one :whistle ) and Social Services are going to put us forward for an assessment as well as refer us to the youth inclusion people for maybe a mentor/ buddy.

Life is odd at the moment, yesterday was a really bad day and I couldnt leave her on her own because she was so down, and she spent most of the afternoon in bed. Today.. well she has been to a Bollywood dance class with her friend for the first time and actually joined in :applaud :applaud and then we had to stay to watch the next 2 hours of indian classical dance classes :o

And this afternoon we have had our first guitar lesson and she is happy as larry practising her chords!

goodness knows how long it will last and what tomorrow will bring :unsure:

Just as well I don't like things to stay the same :gareth



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